Pension Manager Pillows

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

TV: 'It's 10 pm- do you know where your social security funding is tonight?'

'Lunch break or not...as company pensions manager you're sending out the wrong message.'

"The pensions industry needs to dramatically improve the way we communicate with customers."

"If people are to have faith in the pension system then they need to have faith in the people who run it..."

"But Tim has tremendous faith in modern technology...he's looking for an 'Foolproof pension investment strategy in uncertain markets and a potentially imploding Eurozone' app!"

Providers struggle to come to terms with longevity issues...

"I think a cap on management fees is inevitable sooner or later..."

"Brexit could lead to ARMAGEDDON for the pensions industry..."

'What a splendid collection of nest-eggs you've appropriated Sir John.'

"Department of infernal affairs. How may I misdirect your employee pension plan?"

"Think Pension Fund: you pump money in, the fund manager sucks it back out and you're left with a big hole."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

Someone loses his pension.

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."