Pension Fund Manager Pillows

"I thought you said risk taking was okay?" 'Not putting the pension fund on Lucky Lady to win."

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"Pensions is a complicated business."

The Pension Fund Fairy.

'You have no pension. Have you thought about running a pension in France?'

'I'd heard their pension fund up the creek.'

"It's ridiculous to claim that we've been rewarding investment managers foolishly!"

"It drives me crazy to hear pension fund managers complaining about boardroom pay..."

"Pension planning is really quite a simple affair..."

"Of course annuity rates are enormously fickle..."

'How many pension fund managers does it take to change a lightbulb...?'

"We need to fix an enormous hole in the pension fund. Can I suggest a jumble sale?"

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

Build Your Own Portfolio

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'Time to buy.'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.