Pension Funds Pillows

Take Your Social Security Early.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

Someone loses his pension.

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Rolling Over a Pension.

Mismanagement Consultant.

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

"Scary stuff, but I'm not sure the world is ready for the unexpurgated story of life as a pensions adviser!"

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

"Who would have thought retirement would be this much fun."

"It's all very well for people to go on about restraining hedge fund managers...but they have not idea of what we do!"

"At you age I had already started a Pension Pot."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

It's 10pm do you know where your 401-k is?'