Starting A Pension Fund Pillows

The Pension Fund Fairy.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Mismanagement Consultant.

"Scary stuff, but I'm not sure the world is ready for the unexpurgated story of life as a pensions adviser!"

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"It's all very well for people to go on about restraining hedge fund managers...but they have not idea of what we do!"

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"But Tim has tremendous faith in modern technology...he's looking for an 'Foolproof pension investment strategy in uncertain markets and a potentially imploding Eurozone' app!"

"The Chancellor insists on people getting 'advice' on what to do with their pension ports if they cash them in."

'How many pension fund managers does it take to change a lightbulb...?'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'If it wasn't for their great pension scheme I'd have packed this in years ago.'

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

"You can afford to retire at 65, but you'll need to die at 70."

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."

"The FTSE has gone through the roof!"

"Hi, I'm your personal pensions advisor, Miss Sold"

"I'm afraid your Christmas present hasn't gone down too well!"

"It's ridiculous to claim that we've been rewarding investment managers foolishly!"

"My massive 401(K) retirement savings is going way too slowly."

"Department of infernal affairs. How may I misdirect your employee pension plan?"

"The pensions industry needs to dramatically improve the way we communicate with customers."