Pension Advisor Pillows

"He's 104. He always comes back on his birthday - I worked out he'd be gone at 69."

'I'm afraid we've had the results back and it's bad news...he could live to be a hundred.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

Pension Advisor.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'My retirement plan suffered from a market correction.'

Executive pension pot...workers pension piss pot.

"It's a real pleasure to do business with you..."

"As a pensions advisor it's incumbent upon me to give you clear, honest advice..."

"I can see you're a little disappointed at your pension forecast..."

"Hi, I'm your personal pensions advisor, Miss Sold"

'If it wasn't for their great pension scheme I'd have packed this in years ago.'

"Your retirement is, you just fade away..."

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

Someone loses his pension.

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

Warring parents