Penalty Pundits Gifts

'He was warned. One more 'T' and he'd be gone.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Stop and Birch

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

Penalty

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

Official Support Groups

The Flying Pig: Free drinks (if England win on penalties)

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

Tickets. Game Today. Football is not the same up here. Buying a ticket from a scalper won't get you in --- You have to see Saint Peter to get through the gate. Need Ticket. The players literally fly around the field. And all penalties are forgiven. Are there any similarities to the game on earth? Yeah. When the officials review a close play, it takes an eternity!

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

"When I said 'any questions?' I was using only a figure of speech."

'We call it 'Fred'. He's our best penalty kicker.'

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

"Oi! Whose side are you on, ref?"

'Hey, c'mon, I wanna hear ya say 'Have a nice day'...

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

"I see the cuts are starting to bite."

Penalty Box. Shouldn't there also be a "reward" box? I've been nice most of the game!

Afloat, only 20% of iceberg lettuce is visible.

"An own-goal and a rebound penalty, huh!"

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

'You're not allowed out of the Coach's Penalty Box.'

'I guess i's not the worst brawl we've ever seen... but I suppose we should penalize someone anyway.'

Deathbed Conversion