Penalty Pundits T-Shirts

'He was warned. One more 'T' and he'd be gone.'

Stop and Birch

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

Penalty

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

The Flying Pig: Free drinks (if England win on penalties)

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

"When I said 'any questions?' I was using only a figure of speech."

'We call it 'Fred'. He's our best penalty kicker.'

"Oi! Whose side are you on, ref?"

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

'Hey, c'mon, I wanna hear ya say 'Have a nice day'...

"I see the cuts are starting to bite."

Afloat, only 20% of iceberg lettuce is visible.

"An own-goal and a rebound penalty, huh!"

'You're not allowed out of the Coach's Penalty Box.'

'I guess i's not the worst brawl we've ever seen... but I suppose we should penalize someone anyway.'

"Alright, a yellow will stop him doing it again, but so would a b----y RED!"

Deathbed Conversion