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Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

Stop and Birch

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

Ted enjoyed going to the park and feeding the woodpeckers.

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

Voice of the GOP

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

Literary Dogs.

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

"Wow, Bill! It sounds like you're developing a real moral streak!"

"Technically, when the manufacturer wants your car back, it's a recall. When the bank does it, it's a repossession."

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

EU-budget fight

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'Look on the bright side. You haven't paid a penny in tax since you've been here.'

'I was innocent until proven guilty, which took about fifteen minutes.'

"Now, you may feel a little pressure..."

"It's ridiculous to claim that we've been rewarding investment managers foolishly!"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'The Secret is to write what you know.'

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

Sense, Sensibility & Sid, Attorneys at Law. 'We cover all the bases.'

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

The Las Vegas Oddsmakers

"No, Mr. Phelps, I have no idea where your pension went."

"We explained to the Minister that pension management fees were incredibly complex..."

"I'm thinking of buying a peerage with the money from my second job."

"Yeah, yeah, enough about that Covid and Ukraine stuff. Here's what's REALLY important; the proper use of 'gone' and 'went'."