Penalty Expert Gifts

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

Official Support Groups

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Stop and Birch

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'Hand in the area, penalty!'

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

Penalty

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

"Right, the first thing we're going to practise is rolling around, clutching our legs and crying in the penalty box."

"No, but I saw Purple Rain."

"Watch this bloke, lads, if there's a hole in the wall he'll find it."

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

Footballer.

Tickets. Game Today. Football is not the same up here. Buying a ticket from a scalper won't get you in --- You have to see Saint Peter to get through the gate. Need Ticket. The players literally fly around the field. And all penalties are forgiven. Are there any similarities to the game on earth? Yeah. When the officials review a close play, it takes an eternity!

'The England players couldn't stop scoring when they were practising penalties. . .But that might have been because they were practising with a goalkeeper who couldn't save them.'

"Er...Eric..."

'We call it 'Fred'. He's our best penalty kicker.'

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

"Oi! Whose side are you on, ref?"

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

Penalty Box. Shouldn't there also be a "reward" box? I've been nice most of the game!

Spot the Ball Live

'You're not allowed out of the Coach's Penalty Box.'

"We're offering a free rubber bust of Roy Hodgson you can throw at the telly if it goes to penalties.'

'I guess i's not the worst brawl we've ever seen... but I suppose we should penalize someone anyway.'

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'

"Alright, a yellow will stop him doing it again, but so would a b----y RED!"