Punmanship Expert Gifts

'Your teacher says you've been a good boy again! That means you're grounded, young man!!'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

I will study my speling words...

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Your French dip, sir.'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Fast food. Even faster food

hard-boiled egg...

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."

Stoneage puncture repair kit...

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'