Pun-loving Lawyer Gifts

Court. Wanting to be "the best me I can be" is no excuse for identity theft!

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Do it yourself books.

"Sklar, Liebowitz, Rubin and Kaminsky... Attorneys a go-go."

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

'Yeah? -- Well, there's a thin line between being a strict constructionist and being a stupid jerk!'

Judges alarm clock: 'beep beep, all rise!'

Clive Anderson

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"The defendant is a danger to society and poses a flight risk."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

"Hold me harmless..."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I think we're in luck. This judge likes 'nut' cases.'

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

Computer questionning a witness.

'so it's 'No win, no fee', plus you don't get on my Christmas card list'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

Hanging Judge

'You're good at this job and it's neat how it dovetails with your law practice.'

Attorneys at law.

'My attorney said he could live with it!'

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

Cat punishement.

Two school buses are parked beside one another; one reads "De Facto" while the other reads "De Jure".

'And it should be noted that when the prosecution called my client a liar, at no time did my client's pants start on fire.'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'There's an obscenity case coming up about a topless restaurant.', 'Let me be the judge of that!'

I hear you guys are lawyers...The next thousand years are not billable.

"I like the numbers on this company. They show a very impressive acquittal to conviction ratio."

What are my chances of acquittal, Lars? Speaking as your lawyer, or as your bookie?