Penalty Connoisseur Gifts

"Alright, a yellow will stop him doing it again, but so would a b----y RED!"

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"It's a play on words."

The Philip Marlow family

"My favourite movie is Mrs Fire, without doubt."

Yakety-Yak

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

'I think I can solve our budget problem with the color scanner, color laser printer and this twenty-dollar bill!'

A Semicolon.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

Crime Writer's Society.

Goal

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

Penalty

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

Zoo. Meerkats. No, "meerkats" is just their name. Nobody's trying to make them feel insignificant.

'I knew my salary wasn't high enough until I felt deep abiding shame.'

Official Support Groups

'My client should get a shorter sentence since he did use 'Lol'.'

See, Peanut? I told you that 'Melt in your mouth, not in your hand' line would get you in trouble someday!

St. Patrick's Day

'You must have doubts because even I don't know if my client is innocent or guilty.'

Man stabbed in crime section of library, writing 'AAGH!' on piece of paper.

"I'm the designated driver, because all my friends are lit."

Crime and punishment - football.

101 uses of a dead cat: prison

'My goodness, Mr. Grtptzsk -- how long has it been since you had a vowel movement?'

Frivolous Fraud Squad

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

Chicken Sand-Witch.

While you were out I switched energy suppliers,dear.

After you...No, wait a minute... E. I. C.