Penalty Connoisseur Pillows

"Alright, a yellow will stop him doing it again, but so would a b----y RED!"

"It's a play on words."

The Philip Marlow family

"My favourite movie is Mrs Fire, without doubt."

Yakety-Yak

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

'I think I can solve our budget problem with the color scanner, color laser printer and this twenty-dollar bill!'

A Semicolon.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

Crime Writer's Society.

Goal

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

Penalty

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

'I knew my salary wasn't high enough until I felt deep abiding shame.'

St. Patrick's Day

See, Peanut? I told you that 'Melt in your mouth, not in your hand' line would get you in trouble someday!

'My client should get a shorter sentence since he did use 'Lol'.'

"I'm the designated driver, because all my friends are lit."

Man stabbed in crime section of library, writing 'AAGH!' on piece of paper.

Crime and punishment - football.

101 uses of a dead cat: prison

'You must have doubts because even I don't know if my client is innocent or guilty.'

'My goodness, Mr. Grtptzsk -- how long has it been since you had a vowel movement?'

Frivolous Fraud Squad

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

Chicken Sand-Witch.

While you were out I switched energy suppliers,dear.

'Severe case of lead poisoning!'