Penance Enthusiast Gifts

'The hair shirt is sufficient. You don't have to shave with a hedgehog.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Talk nerdy to me."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

baby sweetcorn...

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Fast food. Even faster food

A Copy Editor and His Dog

hard-boiled egg...

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."

Stoneage puncture repair kit...

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'