Penalty Pundit Gifts

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

'There goes a flag... could be a face-mask penalty.'

"An own-goal and a rebound penalty, huh!"

Stop and Birch

'It Kicked!' - 'Punt, Drop or Tad?'

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

Literary Dogs.

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

A marooned man builds a swing set from his lone palm tree.

'I was innocent until proven guilty, which took about fifteen minutes.'

"It's ridiculous to claim that we've been rewarding investment managers foolishly!"

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

'Look on the bright side. You haven't paid a penny in tax since you've been here.'

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"Now, you may feel a little pressure..."

'The Secret is to write what you know.'

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

Sense, Sensibility & Sid, Attorneys at Law. 'We cover all the bases.'

The Las Vegas Oddsmakers

"No, Mr. Phelps, I have no idea where your pension went."

Afloat, only 20% of iceberg lettuce is visible.