Penalty Pontificator Gifts

Footballer's Wages

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Extreme Sisyphus

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

Penalty

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'He's got one more minute alone in the penalty box with my mother.'

Official Support Groups

Are you guilty or not guilty? What happens if I plead guilty?

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

"Right, the first thing we're going to practise is rolling around, clutching our legs and crying in the penalty box."

I Do Not have OCD

Footballer.

"Er...Eric..."

'The England players couldn't stop scoring when they were practising penalties. . .But that might have been because they were practising with a goalkeeper who couldn't save them.'

"Watch this bloke, lads, if there's a hole in the wall he'll find it."

"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."

'If it's any consolation, us getting sent to the Principal's office is now trending on Twitter.'

Penalty Box. Shouldn't there also be a "reward" box? I've been nice most of the game!

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

"I got a no TV for a week in math, a no dessert for a month in history, and a just wait 'til your father gets home in social studies."

"Alright, a yellow will stop him doing it again, but so would a b----y RED!"