Legal Pontificators Gifts

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"5...4...3...2..."

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

Jasper Coot: 'Osama shoulda named me to the Supreme Court! I ain't no judge, so I'm qualified! Hell. I ann't even a damn lawyer! But Lord knows, I am judgemental!

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

McWit Legal College

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'I'll accept two potions of white crystalline sucrose in final settlement.'

'Run it by legal and then a couple of talk-show hosts.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

COVID Era Intel

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

"He's the pastor's press secretary."

'On the other hand, if we accept confessions extracted under torture then soon they won't need lawyers.'

Judicial Restraint

'Three big corks? That's it?' (Environmental Improvement).

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

Footballer's Wages

"I interpret the death penalty according to the times."

A third of the buck stops here.

'If I'm an agnostic, what's an atheist?' 'Never mind that. If I'm an atheist, what's an agnostic?'

"...and Bexley has kindly offered to wrestle with any philosophical problems we may encounter."

'Then, my boss said, 'hey, what can they do to you? You're not even Human.'

'I can never remember... is justice blind or deaf?'