Legal Pontificators T-Shirts

Your honor, I ask you: Are these the legs of a murderer? And if so, who cares?

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

"5...4...3...2..."

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

Jasper Coot: 'Osama shoulda named me to the Supreme Court! I ain't no judge, so I'm qualified! Hell. I ann't even a damn lawyer! But Lord knows, I am judgemental!

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

McWit Legal College

On second thought, your honor

'I'll accept two potions of white crystalline sucrose in final settlement.'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

COVID Era Intel

'Run it by legal and then a couple of talk-show hosts.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

"He's the pastor's press secretary."

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

Judicial Restraint

'On the other hand, if we accept confessions extracted under torture then soon they won't need lawyers.'

'Three big corks? That's it?' (Environmental Improvement).

Footballer's Wages

Court. Justice isn't blind, but many times it doesn't see because it chooses to look the other way.

"Why Americans don't vote"

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

'If I'm an agnostic, what's an atheist?' 'Never mind that. If I'm an atheist, what's an agnostic?'

A third of the buck stops here.

"I interpret the death penalty according to the times."

'Then, my boss said, 'hey, what can they do to you? You're not even Human.'

"...and Bexley has kindly offered to wrestle with any philosophical problems we may encounter."