Pub Pontificator Gifts

'If I'm an agnostic, what's an atheist?' 'Never mind that. If I'm an atheist, what's an agnostic?'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

Men gossiping

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Surreal ale

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'The Saxon King' pub

ONE HORSE TOWN

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"Whoa! Was that today?"

Brickie's Mate

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

If bar stools were like playground swings...