Pub Pontificator Gifts

'If I'm an agnostic, what's an atheist?' 'Never mind that. If I'm an atheist, what's an agnostic?'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

Men gossiping

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

'The Saxon King' pub

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Surreal ale

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

ONE HORSE TOWN

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

"Whoa! Was that today?"

Brickie's Mate

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

If bar stools were like playground swings...

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'