Problem Pontificator Gifts

"Okay, you still have all the old problems, but we're adding new ones and you can't touch.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"5...4...3...2..."

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

COVID Era Intel

"He's the pastor's press secretary."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

Footballer's Wages

'If I'm an agnostic, what's an atheist?' 'Never mind that. If I'm an atheist, what's an agnostic?'

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

"As you can see, I was able to answer all the questions without getting bogged down in perfection."

My Day - Cow Today Magazine

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

"Anyone can hate, Mr. Brookings, but can your gare fill a book?"

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

Country & High Brow.

Warning: Do not send any emails while taking this medication

'You should see what they're doing next door - it's disgusting,'

"This is called the 7:59 because it actually arrived at this time once...."

Back to normal

"Oh no!...We've got Holy Moleys!"

'So God created the world in six days. Any sort of warranty on it?'