Problem Pontificator Pillows

"Okay, you still have all the old problems, but we're adding new ones and you can't touch.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"5...4...3...2..."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

"He's the pastor's press secretary."

COVID Era Intel

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

' Isn't it great the way the eyes follow you around the room?'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

Footballer's Wages

"Why Americans don't vote"

'If I'm an agnostic, what's an atheist?' 'Never mind that. If I'm an atheist, what's an agnostic?'

"As you can see, I was able to answer all the questions without getting bogged down in perfection."

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

"Anyone can hate, Mr. Brookings, but can your gare fill a book?"

My Day - Cow Today Magazine

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

"This is called the 7:59 because it actually arrived at this time once...."

'You should see what they're doing next door - it's disgusting,'

Warning: Do not send any emails while taking this medication

? F E. Give me a big smile and wave to the camera. Ah, you're posing a question.

Country & High Brow.

Back to normal

"Swag."

"Oh no!...We've got Holy Moleys!"