Papal Punster Pillows

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"All we have left is standing room only."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Sweep the board.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Dogs life

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Water is discovered on the moon....

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

Kamikaze Colour