Penalty Pontificator Pillows

Footballer's Wages

Extreme Sisyphus

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

Penalty

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'He's got one more minute alone in the penalty box with my mother.'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

Are you guilty or not guilty? What happens if I plead guilty?

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

"Right, the first thing we're going to practise is rolling around, clutching our legs and crying in the penalty box."

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."

Footballer.

"Watch this bloke, lads, if there's a hole in the wall he'll find it."

I Do Not have OCD

"Er...Eric..."

'If it's any consolation, us getting sent to the Principal's office is now trending on Twitter.'

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

"I got a no TV for a week in math, a no dessert for a month in history, and a just wait 'til your father gets home in social studies."

"For parking in a handicap space, I sentence you to 30 days in a wheelchair!'

"Alright, a yellow will stop him doing it again, but so would a b----y RED!"