Penalty King Pillows

'We call it 'Fred'. He's our best penalty kicker.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Hand in the area, penalty!'

Goal

Ref shows footballer green card.

Penalty

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

Official Support Groups

"Right, the first thing we're going to practise is rolling around, clutching our legs and crying in the penalty box."

"Er...Eric..."

'The England players couldn't stop scoring when they were practising penalties. . .But that might have been because they were practising with a goalkeeper who couldn't save them.'

Footballer.

Footballer's Wages

"Watch this bloke, lads, if there's a hole in the wall he'll find it."

Football - How's my Diving?

"Oi! Whose side are you on, ref?"

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

"Mine's a metaphor. I don't know what's going on withyou."

1981 - Introduction of goal nets and penalty kicks to the newly-formed Football League.

'You're not allowed out of the Coach's Penalty Box.'

"An own-goal and a rebound penalty, huh!"

Deathbed Conversion

"We're offering a free rubber bust of Roy Hodgson you can throw at the telly if it goes to penalties.'

Spot the Ball Live

"Alright, a yellow will stop him doing it again, but so would a b----y RED!"

'Penalty'

Off the post!

'There goes a flag... could be a face-mask penalty.'

'I think it will be a very competitive season. Most of the league's key players are out on bail.'

Football Hand of God.