Prescription Pontificator Gifts

Warning: Do not send any emails while taking this medication

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Doctors

"Okay, you still have all the old problems, but we're adding new ones and you can't touch.

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"5...4...3...2..."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

Rip Van Winkle told by pharmacist that his sleeping pill prescription has expired.

COVID Era Intel

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

"I can see you're concerned about the amount of medication you're taking. Let me see if I can give you something for that."

"He's the pastor's press secretary."

"You may believe you've been overcharged, but, remember, you're overmedicated."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"I realize your prescription bottle says 'Keep Tightly Closed', but you still need to take the medication!"

"If the medication we're giving you has side effects then we have some pills that may help."

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

'Take two of these and visit my website in the morning.'

'You have a lovely neck, Miss Jones. I'm going to prescribe some anticoagulant fot it.'

The secret of marriage is chemistry - he's on valium and I'm on prozac

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

"Why Americans don't vote"

'I'm going to prescribe a new diabetic medication. It's a bit costly. I'll start you off with fifty dollars a week.'

"My prescription was for Dramamine, not drama queen!"

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

Footballer's Wages