Pub Preacher Gifts

'Prayer services held in pub' "Same again please..."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Night-time halo

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Thou Shalt Not!

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Dogma

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

Free speech isn't cheap!

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

The ecumenical dinner party.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"That's the preacher's dog."