Pen Maestro Gifts

"You're writing in the masculine again."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Instructional guide to scribbling

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

Kirsten Johnson

"We need to work on our people-friendly image you jackass."

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

A writer types onto a long sheet of paper.

Ernesto Lecuona

The sword is mightier than the pen.

"Do you like my new sandals? They're open-toad."

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

Forrest Gander

'Meet the Author'/'Meet the Plagiarist' - An Author and a Plagiarist selling and signing the same book story and title.

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

Anyway I thought I'd have a go at this writing lark on the first publisher I showed my scribbles gave me a five book deal.

'Don't ask questions, Margaret -- Just get Bill Gates on the phone!'

The Violin Artist

'But when you decided to go into psychology didn't you REALIZE that you'd be ‘surrounded by idiots'?'

CIA, 'I'm suspended for three months? Great! -- it'll give me time to work on my book!'

'Just time to dash out a short masterpiece...'

'Nothing rhymes with politician!'

'That should discourage my imitators.'

"Cheer up. You're not as nutty as most of the whack-jobs I see."

Mum's baking is best!

Writer Crisis

Eye Doctors. Sport Psychologists. Reception. Which focus group are you here for today?

'Piano Player'

"Oh, just you wait till your patriarch gets home!"

"How long have you been delusional?"