Pen Maestro Pillows

"You're writing in the masculine again."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Instructional guide to scribbling

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

Kirsten Johnson

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

The sword is mightier than the pen.

Forrest Gander

"Do you like my new sandals? They're open-toad."

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

A writer types onto a long sheet of paper.

'Meet the Author'/'Meet the Plagiarist' - An Author and a Plagiarist selling and signing the same book story and title.

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

'But when you decided to go into psychology didn't you REALIZE that you'd be ‘surrounded by idiots'?'

The Violin Artist

'Don't ask questions, Margaret -- Just get Bill Gates on the phone!'

Anyway I thought I'd have a go at this writing lark on the first publisher I showed my scribbles gave me a five book deal.

'That should discourage my imitators.'

Mum's baking is best!

CIA, 'I'm suspended for three months? Great! -- it'll give me time to work on my book!'

'Just time to dash out a short masterpiece...'

"Cheer up. You're not as nutty as most of the whack-jobs I see."

'Nothing rhymes with politician!'

Writer Crisis

'Fountain pen'

"How long have you been delusional?"

'Piano Player'

"Oh, just you wait till your patriarch gets home!"