Payroll Proletariat Gifts

"No, I don't want the money in a bag. I want it in my business account. My payroll and taxes are due."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Check zombies.

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

'Your heart's not in the job - admit you're only doing it for the money!'

'Oh, that's a deduction to pay for management perks.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'I don't know what to do about my check - grief or anger counseling.'

'I'm prepared to pay you a living wage. Of course, what kind of a living you get out of it is entirely up to you.'

'They were two payroll cowboys riding together.'

'The only thing keeping me from being successful is not having a salary.'

"With so many applicants for a few jobs, we can lower the pay and drop the benefits!"

The Timesheet Brainstorm.

'I suppose you've often wondered what you'd do if you had my income.'

"Of course the job has benefits - you benefit by getting a paycheck every week!"

'Here are today's numbers: I earn $1369 per day, an increase of $548 per day over my previous job...'

'Watch out or they'll shove higher wages and better life down your throat!'

The trouble with working for a multi-national company

'If that's the going salary, then what's the starting salary?'

"Business has been so good that I can now pay you a salary...mom!"

'Of course I'm overpaid, everyone is overpaid!'

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

"So you're getting chicken feed...they expect me to work for peanuts."

"I know that as a former politician you are used to getting money in inconspicuous suitcases, but it's a real hassle for the payroll department!"