Payroll Program Puzzler Gifts

'I was fired last year, but I still get a check after I hacked into their payroll program.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Check zombies.

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

Human Resources Dept: Full time/part time/over time/time and a half/time out.

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

'Oh, that's a deduction to pay for management perks.'

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

'My pay envelope is empty.' - 'Your deductions equal your salary'

Bureau of Missing Persons, "He works flextime and we have direct deposit, so it took me a few months to notice he was gone."

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

'Your heart's not in the job - admit you're only doing it for the money!'

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'Greenspan today explained the reason the Fed faises interest rates is so they can lower them again.'

'I don't know what to do about my check - grief or anger counseling.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'I'm prepared to pay you a living wage. Of course, what kind of a living you get out of it is entirely up to you.'