Payroll Stories Gifts

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

Check zombies.

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

'Oh, that's a deduction to pay for management perks.'

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'I don't know what to do about my check - grief or anger counseling.'

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"Daddy says he got the promotion: We'll be able to afford to move to greener pastures!"

'Miss Walker, bring a new pair of underpants right this minute!'

"Will the current economic trend end in a whimper or a bang? For answers, let's turn to tonight's guests!"

'They were two payroll cowboys riding together.'

"I understand that you've been demanding more vacation time. . . so we've decided to let you have the rest of your life off."

This cologne reminds my husband of our first kiss, years ago in the old copy room. It's eau de mimeograph.

"And to add insult to injury, the CEO fired me in a sticky note."

The trouble with working for a multi-national company

"Business has been so good that I can now pay you a salary...mom!"

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

"One good thing. At my pay scale, no one will want to steal my identity."

'My boss took a pre-emtive strike... he fired me!'

Accountant job

"You promised an advance...but this is more of a tactical withdrawal."

"Your first check from 20 years ago, Farley? So that's the reason our payroll account hasn't balanced for 20 years!"

"And then she slapped my face, injuring my beard."

"His CV is impressive but I can't help thinking that there are a few other issues we need to address..."

"I'm tired for working for peanuts. . . !"

' You misread the ad,I'm looking for a light-weight engine.'

Don't cash it before next Tuesday.

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'