Employment Stories Gifts

'I had a job once, sir, but I succumbed to sleep deprivation.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

37 years in the same position.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Work Slave

In and Out Sourced.

Between Offices

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

Getting through the week.

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

Day one, post grad

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'