Work-related Stories Gifts

"And to add insult to injury, the CEO fired me in a sticky note."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

Office zombie.

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

'The salary isn't much, but the expense account to entertain the boss, ohh-la-la!'

'Todd, you do realize 'casual Friday' is now 'super Friday,' right?'

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

'Miss Walker, bring a new pair of underpants right this minute!'

"Daddy says he got the promotion: We'll be able to afford to move to greener pastures!"

"Will the current economic trend end in a whimper or a bang? For answers, let's turn to tonight's guests!"

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

On his first day as a paramedic Henry suffered Pre-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

'I can't sleep... Tell me about your day at the office again.'

' Well..She did it to me again.'

'Ageism at work'

"I can fit you into a small cubicle on the third floor if you think you can lose twenty pounds."

"A serf? We don't call you 'serfs' anymore. Nowadas we call you flexibly employed staff members!"

'...but I'm already working as slow as I can.'

"I understand that you've been demanding more vacation time. . . so we've decided to let you have the rest of your life off."

This cologne reminds my husband of our first kiss, years ago in the old copy room. It's eau de mimeograph.

'It's spring, Boss! When a young man's fancy turns to union organizing!"

'I want more transparency in the workplace.'

"Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it?"

"Old, you've seemed a bit down recently. Do you need anything?"