Funny Work Stories Gifts

'For some strange reason, Smythe, I don't believe you're leaving work because you're not feeling well. Next time don't wear the diving gear, it's a dead giveaway.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'I missed work due to a rib injury from belly-laughing at your jokes.'