Collector Of Funny Office Stories Gifts

'Jack lost his job as a door-to-door salesman. He went through 7 cases of samples before ringing his first doorbell.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Friday

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"Consider this job a reality show where you work your butt off 14 hours a day. If you win, you'll get a paycheck and the chance to do it all over again next week."

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

"Stan, it's come to my attention that you have been creeping people out at work."

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

'And it's here, where we feel the bulk of our liquid assets are going.'

"Good news. You know that elephant in the room we never talk about? He's now in the other room."

Office zombie.

"Time to do it in!"

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

"It's not that casual of a Friday!"

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

Your call is important to us...

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

"I am calling a meeting...I am calling it a waste of time."

'We're not looking for someone who wants to run with the wolves. We're looking for someone who wants to run over them.'

'Sorry, Gowp, but I'm rteplacing you as Head of Advertising.'

To get you up to speed Higgins, we're in a cartoon and I'm about to say something clever.

'You'll love this new computer, sir! It has a program to delete obscene words like sharp drop...'