Patio Philosopher Gifts

"Isn't it about time to switch from your warm-weather chair to your cold-weather chair?"

"Yeah, Charlie wnet to one of those 'mindful outdoor experience' seminars. . ."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Aprons

"Someone's sending us a tweet...it says 'more seed, please!'"

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

'The hardest thing is convincing the wife that when I'm staring out of the window I'm actually composing a tweet.'

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

'It's hard to slice a potato once you've looked it in the eye.'

One youth says: 'Lamppost, bollard, tarmac, kerb.' Other says: Zebra crossing,traffic hump, postbox.' Caption: Street language

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'You spend too much time in this stuffy pub.' 'I'll go out onto the patio.'

"I swear, we spend more time decided which squirrel to bark at than we do actually barking at it."

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

"I don't miss my accountancy life. I find I get out more nowadays."

'I was hoping you could help me with an implant.'

'A little madness in the Spring is wholesome even for the King' -Emily Dickinson.

'I don't understand. I haven't done anything to encourage them...'

'You don't want to show favouritism Bruce-it upsets the others.'

"Actually, we're not a snow sculpture. Just been waiting for table service since September."

Mission Impossible

Homeless man's sign: 'Sperm donor to the crowned heads of Europe.'

Bank

'The problem is I can't tell the difference between a deeply wise, intuitive nudge from the Universe and one of my own bone-headed ideas!'