Past Life Believer Gifts

"In my previous life I was arugula."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

What can I get you? An explanation for why we haven't gone back to the moon. Would you like the rational explanation or the Youtube explanation? Rational would be lovely, please. Ok. We never went back to the moon because there was no reason to. The whole point of Apollo was to reassure the free world that we could beat the Soviet Union. Mission accomplished. Oh ... that's it? Well, that's rather bland. Could I exchange that for the Youtube explanation? The lizard-men who live on the film set wh

"Of all the wet cement, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks in mine."

'Take me to your auto body shop.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

'Perhaps the surest evidence intelligent life exists out there is the fact it hasn't revealed itself to us thus far.'

"Washing your car will cause it to rain – science or superstition? We investigate on the next 'Cause and Effect.'"

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

Dustbin monster.

Gates of heaven

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

CartoonStock Upload

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

'How a cat lands on all fours'

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

Pyramid UFO...

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

Post-psychoanalysis

"No, you're going to hell - but you're welcome to check out the gift shop."

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

'Hold on, pal! Who's in control of the narrative here?'