Parrot Philosopher Gifts

"I hate to tell you,but feeding me grass seed won't make me any greener."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'You know too much!'

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"As I was only saying the other day..."

Cat Reunion

"Yes, one is a dog."

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Dogs are men."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

Flea Philosophy.

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

'Oi, call the fire brigade, my foot's stuck.'

'How come I always get the shoulder with the parrot?'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"You spend far too much time on social media, Joe!"

Pirates

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

"Repeat after me..."

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

The Inner Dog.

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

"He spent all morning trying to teach me my own name."

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

"You came up in therapy today."