Parrot Philosopher Pillows

"I hate to tell you,but feeding me grass seed won't make me any greener."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'You know too much!'

Cat Reunion

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Dogs are men."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

Flea Philosophy.

"You spend far too much time on social media, Joe!"

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

"Repeat after me..."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'How come I always get the shoulder with the parrot?'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'Oi, call the fire brigade, my foot's stuck.'

Pirates

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

The Inner Dog.

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

"He spent all morning trying to teach me my own name."

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

"You came up in therapy today."