Bird Philosopher Pillows

'Polly want many things, but a cracker isn't among them.'

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"This aquarium is such a nice prison."

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

Flea Philosophy.

Cool Cat, Dog Dork, Grumpy Goldfish, Constipated Cockatiel.

'Sometimes I feel sorry for those little baitfish, don't you, Ben?'

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

"Cat got your tongue?"

"Well, at least I'm embracing my feminine side!"

'What d'you mean, you're a Republican?'

"Get a life!"

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

"I don't love you anymore. Let's just be friends."

"I may not be in for a while, Eddie. My wife and I have decided to normalize relations."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me."

"If man evolved from apes,does that mean we came from Sea Monkeys?"

"It wasn't as good as his first book, 'Eating Worms.'"

'I think we're starting sex education too early.'

"I have no head for show business."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

Closed for Summer.

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

Fisherman to friend about to be devoured by shark: 'Bill, are you familiar with the health benefits of shark cartilage?'

"That wasn't very funny!"