Park Football Gifts

'That's the trouble with parks football - there's not much quality on the bench!'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Church for sports worshipers.

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Football Chameleon

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Punt Cake

The trauma of losing.

If nobody had invented graphics

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

The Brothers Grime

''Yeah, mine's a rescue dog too.''

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Pregnant Cheerleaders,