Street Football Gifts

'Git yer forward passes, yer laterals, or yer handoffs here!'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Church for sports worshipers.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Guitarist

Bowled over again!

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Extreme miming"

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Punt Cake

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

The trauma of losing.

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"That'll be five bucks."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

The Brothers Grime

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."