Parish Ponderers Gifts

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

'Yak, yak, yak.'

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

'He's the best bull I've ever had.'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

...Well I've got to make sure I REALLY like where I am.

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Confusionism'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

Soren Kierkegaard

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

Various Birds of Pray.

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

"The summer people are coming! The summer people are coming!"

"Your grass looks great."

Green Pieces Four Leaf Clover

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

'I've thought the same thing myself. He certainly doesn't look like any of us.'

Bloomin' moths!

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

Jim's Mowing Services

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

I have these recurring dreams that I'm completely naked in a field!

Progressions.

"Yes, the grass is greener on the other side, but significantly sparser too, so it's a toss-up really...."

Just a thought on nooses.