Parents' Evening Gifts

'I understand you are going to be my son's teacher this year. Let me start off by saying: I am so so sorry!'

'Well headmaster, now that Wayne has passed his A levels we're hoping he gets that job at the nuclear test facility.'

"Your son's got his father's eyes..."

'The teacher says you're very clever for your age!'

"Let's review cause and effect. Your divorce 10 years ago can't affect your son's zero today."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

Notoriously losing pieces, the Varns could only have family game night by putting together whatever they could find. 'Checkmate!' 'You sank my Battleship!' 'You didn't say 'UNO'!

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

First love.

'He said his first words today - 'Let's sue them'.'

Wait – is that your dad? Tunnel of Love.

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"And what's the story behind the story?"

Quiet Time