Parents' Evening Pillows

'I understand you are going to be my son's teacher this year. Let me start off by saying: I am so so sorry!'

'Well headmaster, now that Wayne has passed his A levels we're hoping he gets that job at the nuclear test facility.'

"Your son's got his father's eyes..."

'The teacher says you're very clever for your age!'

"Let's review cause and effect. Your divorce 10 years ago can't affect your son's zero today."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

Notoriously losing pieces, the Varns could only have family game night by putting together whatever they could find. 'Checkmate!' 'You sank my Battleship!' 'You didn't say 'UNO'!

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

'He said his first words today - 'Let's sue them'.'

First love.

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"And what's the story behind the story?"

Quiet Time

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

'My Dad will like you. He's the care-taker at the monkey house in the zoo.'

"So you're the artist dating my daughter? I've seen your work...you MUST be starving."