Parent's Night Pillows

'There's a meeting at school tonight, Dad. The superintendent, the principal, the school board, and you.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"We're not too concerned about him not graduating. We've only made it to tenth grade so we're already proud."

"She came in for her son's report card, but I gave her an A-honor roll student's report card by accident."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

Notoriously losing pieces, the Varns could only have family game night by putting together whatever they could find. 'Checkmate!' 'You sank my Battleship!' 'You didn't say 'UNO'!

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

'He said his first words today - 'Let's sue them'.'

First love.

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

Playing cards.

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'My Dad will like you. He's the care-taker at the monkey house in the zoo.'

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'