Parent's Night Gifts

'There's a meeting at school tonight, Dad. The superintendent, the principal, the school board, and you.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"We're not too concerned about him not graduating. We've only made it to tenth grade so we're already proud."

"She came in for her son's report card, but I gave her an A-honor roll student's report card by accident."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Karataoke

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

Notoriously losing pieces, the Varns could only have family game night by putting together whatever they could find. 'Checkmate!' 'You sank my Battleship!' 'You didn't say 'UNO'!

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

Playing cards.

First love.

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

'He said his first words today - 'Let's sue them'.'

Wait – is that your dad? Tunnel of Love.

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"