Family Night Gifts

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'Oh no, I put Rusty out. But man! I have an awful stomache ache! I think I need ice cream....separate bowls.'

Pizza Night

"But I'm not even tir..."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Hi-yah!"

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

'I think I'll take her to the zoo today.'

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"Sarah has two mommies and both of them are good cooks."