Family Night Gifts

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'Oh no, I put Rusty out. But man! I have an awful stomache ache! I think I need ice cream....separate bowls.'

Pizza Night

"But I'm not even tir..."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

No caption (A young bald eagle plays a claw game full of fish as his parent stands behind him).

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Hi-yah!"

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

'I think I'll take her to the zoo today.'

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."