Family Tv Night Gifts

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

I like the Jets...I guess

"They grow up so fast."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

Haircuts

"She's been so creative lately."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'She's just great with the children.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Bloody hell!"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

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