Parents' Night Gifts

'Mommy and daddy asked me to give you this sick note. They can't make it tonight.'

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"Let's have refreshments on parents' night. These people need nourishment."

'I really hope Mrs. Picasso comes to parents' night.'

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"While I am concerned about your son, I'm more worried about your dog. He has eaten an awful lot of homework."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Karataoke

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Notoriously losing pieces, the Varns could only have family game night by putting together whatever they could find. 'Checkmate!' 'You sank my Battleship!' 'You didn't say 'UNO'!

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

Wait – is that your dad? Tunnel of Love.

First love.

Playing cards.

'He said his first words today - 'Let's sue them'.'

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'